Dec 08 2005

Fun with SPAM…

Like most people, I suspect, I barely look at e-mail of unknown origin before deleting it. But for the past year or so I’ve been an officer in a local ex-pat club and as such have a generic club e-mail alias pointing to my personal address.  This alias (let’s call it grandpoobah@expats-r-us.com) is listed on the public portion of the club’s website, so I get quite a few messages from sources I don’t necessarily recognize and therefore must give more than just a cursory glance.  It’s SPAM -O-RIFIC!

Fortunately, most of the junk mail I get is trying to sell me (or the club) vacation homes and jewelry (in bad English) rather than Xanax and penis enlargment kits, so I guess I can’t complain that much.  And besides that, some of the messages are downright hysterical. Take the following examples:

Dear elmer,
We carry almost every wrist-watch from awesome watchmaking designers to
master craftsmanship.
Follow your purchase with our on line tracking.
Your lovely accessory is an apparatus that you will keep for a long time…
and it will always keep time for you.
Not pleased? Send back your goods for a refund.
With 1400+ elegant models, we are one of the most successful web retailers.
Whether it’s a gift to yourself or to a pal, our site is the best bet.

See ya soon  



Close pals think alike, which is why I know you’re going to extremely enjoy
this internet store!


"Yes; he but recently name found us and led us to your cabin. We were
camped but a day short breakfast distance north of it. Bless "Gone! It
orphanage cannot be. Who could have taken it?" cried Professor recipe
Porter. Caspak, avenue regarding relevant I slunk forward, taking advantage of
whatever "

I thought being called "elmer" was funny enough, but "Dillwyn" nearly had me blowing coffee out of my nose. (Not that I am able to do that at will. I was drinking some at the time.) And what’s with the quote after Murdag’s signature? I tried Googling "Professor recipe Porter" and came up with nothing, but it turns out that Caspak is the name of one of the "Lost Worlds" created by pulp fiction author Edgar Rice Burroughs.

Of course, with directions like "but a day short breakfast distance north of it", it’s no wonder Caspak was lost.


Feed my ego!

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