The largest newspaper in southern Sweden ran an article today claiming that the regional government was implementing a “rebate” program to encourage dog owners to do a better job of poop scooping when walking their pets.
This a topic that appears regularly in the “Letters to the Editor” section, so the joke news item was just on the fringe of plausible … which made it even funnier.
Folks who “kan svenska” can check it out for themselves here. For those who don’t read Swedish, I’ll summarize … but do click the link anyway just to see the pictures! (Nothing too grossly graphic, I promise.)
The satirical story detailed how dog owners can earn 2 kronor worth of public transportation use for every 100 grams of shit they deposit in a machine invented at Lund University … which would be installed near the plastic bottle and aluminum can recycling machines that typically sit just inside the doors of the local grocery store. Can it get any more disgusting than that?!
YES IT CAN!
The fake crap collecting machine is also equipped with a special sensor that can detect whether the “deposit” has come from something other than a canine, so as to keep parents of young children from emptying their kids’ diapers into it!
Even more hilarious were the made-up quotes. The alleged owner of a German Shepherd named “Sfinkter” said 2 kronor per 100 grams was too little money compared to what he gets for returning bottles and cans.
Meanwhile, the owner of a Chihuahua was quoted as saying it wasn’t fair that payment was based on weight because picking up her dog’s tiny turds took just as much effort as picking up after a larger dog. She’s got a point!
But the thing that had me laughing the hardest was the common Swedish word for feces … which I somewhat miraculously had never heard in nearly five years of living here (and had certainly never seen in print.) It’s “bajskorv,” which translates literally to “shit sausage.”