It’s a pretty safe bet that few parts of a person’s day are more finely choreographed than his/her morning routine. This is certainly true at the Penthouse-Nordic, where until recently the first alarm clock went off at 4:50 a.m. on weekdays. (In order for Dr. Darling to make a 5:42 a.m. train to Copenhagen.) This would be MY alarm clock … which wakes me gently to music … as opposed to the comatose Swede’s alarm clock, which shatters both the silence and the darkness of The Batcave with a combination of irritating beeps and flashing lights that increase in volume and intensity until she’s conscious enough to turn it off.
Because waking up to that kind of racket every day would very quickly result in my incarceration for assault and battery (and because Dr. Darling is definitely NOT a “morning person“), I’ve been getting up to my clock radio and waking her with a nudge before making her lunch and heading to the gym (Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays) or into my office early (Tuesdays and Thursdays). Her annoying alarm clock has been used primarily as a back-up and is set to the absolute latest moment she can get out of bed and still make the train. Often she’s up before it ever goes off, and even if she isn’t, I’m already out in the kitchen when it does.
While not ideal, this routine has been working pretty well when you consider that the alternative is one of us sleeping in the guest room/office on weeknights. But then one day last week the Swede decided to start making her own lunch the night before so that I could spend a little more time in the sack, which I really appreciated even though this would only be the case on Tuesdays and Thursdays (I’m committed to sticking to my M-W-F workouts). My clock radio was still going off at 4:50 a.m., but all I had to do was nudge her and hit the snooze bar a couple of times rather than leap out of bed to make sandwiches.
I was still adjusting to this system when the routine changed a second time. Last Friday afternoon, a new Metro station on Copenhagen’s underground transport system opened for passenger use and it’s having the pleasant effect of cutting about 15 minutes off Dr. Darling’s commute. This means my clock radio can now be set for 5 a.m., and even though it’s only a 10 minutes later, it just sounds so much better!
Well, the combination of these two developments (no more lunch detail and the new 5 a.m. wake-up time) got me to thinking about my Tuesday/Thursday routine. Because even though I go into my office early on those days, I don’t have to be on the train until 6:34 … which means I should be able to stay in bed until the luxurious hour of 5:45. It’s a no-brainer, right?
Unfortunately, my brain checked out before I actually mentioning this brilliant plan to the Swede, though at that point I’d been thinking about it long enough to believe that we actually had talked about it. She was asleep by the time I got into bed on Monday night, so I missed a final opportunity to inform her. But since I knew her hounds-of-hell back-up alarm was set, I figured it was pretty safe to have my radio come on at the aforementioned 5:45 a.m.
I caught the Swede totally off-guard by not waking her in the usual manner (have I mentioned that she is NOT a morning person?), and while she was up in plenty of time (before the bone-rattling alarm, even) she was clearly not happy with me. I tried to make up for it by getting up and making coffee, but I did so in a fog and crawled back into bed immediately after turning the brewer on. I’m sure my zombie-like demeanor was interpreted as ambivalence, which only served to piss her off even more. She actually left the apartment 10 minutes earlier than she needed to, because if I recall her comment correctly, she’d rather do that than stand around and watch me sleep. Ouch.
I’m still determined to stay in bed a little later on Tuesday and Thursday mornings, but I think I’ll wait until next week to approach Dr. Darling with a new (and highly detailed) plan … the crux of which may or may not involve me sleeping in the guest room/office on Monday and Wednesday nights.