Shazzer: I had a really weird dream this morning.
Dr. Darling: Was I in it?
Shazzer: Yes. But you were being played by Taylor Schilling.
Shazzer: Piper from “Orange is the New Black.”
Dr. Darling: I thought you were into Alex.
Shazzer: It wasn’t THAT kind of dream. In fact, the whole thing centered around a very civil discussion about us breaking up.
Dr. Darling: Why were we breaking up?
Shazzer: Well that’s the weird part … there didn’t seem to be a reason. I had somehow become convinced that you, as interpreted by Taylor Schilling, wanted to dump me, and you were equally sure that I wanted out of the relationship. We very nearly went our separate ways before realizing that neither one of us actually wanted to break up.
Dr. Darling: So it was all just a big misunderstanding?
Shazzer: Pretty much. I was SO relieved when I realized you didn’t want to leave me.
Dr. Darling: Well I’m just glad I didn’t wake up this morning to find someone else had ruined my life.
Shazzer: Are you telling me that us breaking up would ruin your life?
Dr. Darling: Yes.
Shazzer: That may be the most romantic thing you’ve ever said to me.
Dr. Darling: Just try to remember that I’m the one who said it … not Taylor Schilling.